All About The Family . . .
-or-
Mama goldberg's White Trash Vampire Family Tree
Trish
Baker - goldberg's darling daughter that keeps
promising to provide her with a three headed carnival baby that can be sold
for crack. Look, we know Trisha has been working toward this goal and just
hasn't achieved it so why don't ya'll just send her your money. All of it.
Now.
Marcy
Italiano - Marcy isn't ashamed that she's
Mama goldberg's daughter - after all she's Canadian, she has no shame. But
she is cute. Very cute. And deadly.
Charlie-Girl
- mama goldberg's sweet little girl who needs lessons in nasty. Charlie-girl
is nice. Really nice. But, mama is working on that. In a few years she hopes
Charlie will learn to hate irrationally and spew vitriol with the rest of
this embittered family.
Nick
Kaufmann - Trisha's brother, our son Nick. He doesn't call, he
doesn't write, he refuses to say the four questions at the Passover seder.
Nick
Mamatas - goldberg is either forcibly adopting Nick or becoming
his groupie, she hasn't decided, but she is convinced that Nick knows things,
important things.
Jay
Caselberg - Our Yankee Cousin's Evil Older
brother.
Barbara
Ferrenz - The Sane Cousin. Every family needs at least one functional
member.
Karen
E. Taylor - Princess Karen, the good aunt who tries to protect
all the children from their insane mother as long as they obey her absolutely.
Scott
Nicholson's The Haunted Computer - Scott's
not kin but we think he might make bail money for goldberg once. Just once.
And only if he's not real busy.
Julie
Anne Parks - We think she has made bail for goldberg a few times,
and she looks sooo innocent
Carlton
Mellick III - goldberg is very very very
glad that carlton exists --- he makes her feel so much saner
Lee
Thomas - All-Around Good Guy
Seth
Lindberg - Not So Innocent By-Stander
Adam
Pepper - Evil Uncle Adam has endured unspeakable horrors, all
in the name of pleasing Momma Goldberg. It's the least he could get for
his efforts!
Harry
Shannon - He grew up in Nevada. He spent lots of time with animals.
Many of them were relatives. He lives in LA but does not belong there. Hairy
is a distant cousin I might have had kids with in another life.
Questions about ms. goldberg or this site may be addressed to The
Bloody Web Baron .